This website is brought to you by a 29-year opinion packin veteran of the stripping industry. My experiences have brought me here to enlighten the countless ninnies out there in the world itching to purchase strip clubs. Heed thy warnings friend; I've seen many a strip club go awry & just as many close down. I'm not selling you anything (except advice) ...that is if you are so inclined to accept it. If your money means anything to you, then surely you don't mind tossing in a few extra dollars if it will in fact save you from losing the hair off your head in the long run. The advice on these web pages is however, FREE, so let's get started & cut through the wheat & chaff.

Anyone who has moon walked their way into a strip club (maybe even you yourself), might recall what a splendid time you had; the cafeteria of curvy, tanned, strippers bumping & grinding on laps/ looping around performing cute pole tricks. You remember the Dolly Parton cleavage enveloped around dopey faces - and the glowy fake white teeth under the black lights; all the glitter, laughter & excitement… mixed odors of cheap cigars & even cheaper cologne. There was the thumping, bump ba da bah, of corny eighties music; cocaine or drugs of some sort & beer, Champagne or Redbull sliding down the hatch. It was sort of a beer commercial / steamy atmosphere. Cha chaaa chah!! Everyone was laughing & high fiving… having a splendid ole time. You remember that right? The night was like a Snoop Dog video & YOU were a ROCKSTAR. It was fun huh.

(Yawn.) Yeh, you were a customer back then. Such fun to be a customer isn’t it. Well, probably a lot of the elements won’t change much once you OWN A STRIP CLUB; nevertheless, I am here to flatten your tires & inform you that there will be some RADICAL & CRITICAL downgrades.

The night after you open your strip club all the sugar cookies, laughter, camaraderie, lullaby’s, bubbles & lollipops, will disappear faster than the last line of coke in a crack house. Maybe this is where the phrase “the party’s over” originated. Yes the party will be over & now the brain damage begins. And there you'll be ....staring down the long dark barrel of an empty beer bottle.

Consider yourself blessed that someone like me is here to warn someone like you before you go and blow your life savings (or worse yet, someone else’s life savings) on a strip club… unless you are financially, spiritually, mentally, psychologically, and physically prepared to do so. Btw, you will need “deep soul pockets” because the strip club life will be sucking the soul right out of you like a high powered Dirt Devil, Ultra Deluxe, vacuum cleaner.

Before you proceed note the possible side effects below….then let’s move on to examining what your future will look like when you own a strip club.

Precautions, Health Risks, and Possible Side Effects: if you or your family, spouse or anyone close to you is planning on owning a strip club; you and/or they may observe and/or experience periodic or frequent, shortness of breath; episodes of depression, manic or panic attacks, dizziness, nausea, staff infection, headaches, heart attacks, heart disease, lung cancer, viral infections, migraines, alcoholism; drug addiction, tuberculosis, mental delusions, shortness of breath, and/or other cardiovascular diseases; addiction to cigarettes and/or prescription meds; carpal tunnel syndrome, loss of hearing.

One may develop cirrhosis of the liver, hepatitis, fatty liver disease; sleep disturbances, insomnia, anxiety, lethargy, mood swings, high blood pressure, premature hair loss, fluid retention, exhaustion, leg cramps; and loss of mental alertness, psychiatric disorders, and/or mental health or bipolar disorders- no SH%$T Sherlock – yes this could be YOU!

Note: complications related to pregnancy or childbirth could arise while owning or cohabitating with the owner of a strip club, but of course the benefits of bringing a new child into the world and building a family far outweigh the risks. However, should you become pregnant while in the throes of owning a strip club…contact your doctor immediately. For all the other side effects as per above – you will most likely end up self-medicating yourself, and eventually just drop dead.

(And if you think that I’m kidding about any of the above, actually, I’m not!)